One heck of a train ride

At this time last week, I was tearing my hair out over Bane-of-My-Life (which is kind of like how Lord Voldemort is known as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named XD)

Now I seem to have given up on studying for Promos by sitting here and blogging instead of chionging essay outlines and essay outlines, and more essay outlines…

I’m gonna spend this week doing this – Reading up a little for GP, Econs Essay Outlines, Geog Essay Outlines, Underline quotes in my new copy of Othello, Read up for GSC, Mug a little Chinese, PIck out stuff for Modernism…and my ultimate math plan – Do one question from each chapter of Math; if I can do it I will skip mugging that chapter. If I can’t then I’ll do another question and see how things go from there because…

OUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT

So unprepared for promos;

Haven’t done anything for GP. or Lit (which I plan to study on car-rides d’you think that’ll be enough?), still pretty clueless about Economics and Geog is just OVERLOAD OF INFORMATION now. Then there’s Math.

What Math?

Now if we look at the situation this way, my only goal now is to get promoted.

If I had spent the hours I put in for Bane-Of-My-Life (2 days- 5 hours of sleep) into mugging, the magnitude of my worry wouldn’t be so large now would it?

Then again if I didn’t put in those hours for Bane-Of-My-Life, my group’s WR wouldn’t materialize. Then Bane-of-My-Life would be screwed forever.

And considering the fact that I only managed to get WR off my hands on Wednesday, I have a perfectly logical reason to be just meeting the requirements to promote rather than getting some nice acronym like I did for CTs.

There.

I will work hard after Promos, I swear. Am not gonna jeopardize Chinese A’s because of Bane-Of-My-Life.

I’ll also never forget how some people can be such ____________________s, and that I shouldn’t be so nice to some people anymore.

Moving…a little too fast

For my liking, that is.

First (official) day back in school. Whoa, never realized the workload that has subconsciously piled up (okay actually I just created more workload for myself today). The submission date for Bane-Of-My-Life Written Report looms, and promos are in two weeks :O

Funny how I’m not exactly looking forward to post-promos; everyone else have started making post-promos lists, most of them are just made up of shopping lists, but at least they have their motivation. There were so many things I wanted to do…which are kind of impossible looking at the situation now. Never mind, we’ll hold our heads high and get through the next three weeks.

After what happened last week I’ve subconsciously become so much more conscious of my words, my actions…is there no space for truth and objectivity to surface in this reality?

I’m actively trying not to be judgemental, but people’s comments do impact, to a certain extent, my views on certain people.

And now that Shii mentions it, I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT GIRL IN A WEEK dude that is not acceptable.

Learning

Three times this week, I’ve said things that possibly affected friendships. It’s really not a coincidence, it’s an inherent personality problem that I need to fix.

I don’t talk very much, but when I do, I say all the wrong things. It all comes out too fast. It seems like I don’t consider others’ feelings first; I actually do try to guess what their reactions may be…but I guess wrongly all the time. Maybe that’s why I’m not doing so well in Lit, maybe that’s why I’m taking it, to try to understand people better. (or really maybe I’m just saying this because I probably have no reason to why I chose Lit)

I’m really sorry for whatever I said, and the decisions I made without asking you first, and that I found out stuff you didn’t want me to know. I hope it clears up well and we can go back to the way we were before, because I realized how important you guys are to me and I really don’t want to lose you guys.

Maybe I shouldn’t have told you anything; I knew it would hurt but I didn’t know it would hurt that much. I’m sorry for making you sad, I’m sorry for assuming so much.

I’m sorry I don’t like strangers. You could have told me earlier, then I would have the choice. But thanks again because you understood.

Assumptions, assumptions, assumptions. That’s all I ever make, eh? Sometimes I believe that I live in some alternate universe that just happens to intersect with this one, and therefore whatever I say that should be right turns out all wrong.

Spending time alone isn’t gonna help, because I do that too often; even around people, I drift off into my own little world. Perhaps I’ve distanced myself so far away from the real world, I can’t talk to people anymore.

I need to learn to let go of things more easily. I worry over the smallest issues and ignore the important ones. I harp over people’s comments for days, months, years… People move on, and I should too. I’m reluctant to let go, because I still bear a spark of hope for everyone, every relationship. Will we ever be what we used to be?

Your life is perfect, why can’t I have it?

Ok enough emo-ing. Look on the brightside now, Val.

You have awesome friends. The awesomest in the world – Shii, cK, Amanda, Claire, Louise, Barbie, YJ, PL, list would go on, but these are those that come off the top of my head, and I <3 every single one of them so much because they are so awesome. There are also the group of friends whom I don’t have the luxury to talk to or meet every day, but we’re still on pretty good terms. I guess those are the wonders of friendships; how many of these people will I meet in my life?

You have an even awesome-r family.

What more can you ask for?

Sidenote, wtfreakazoid term FOUR starts in 13 minutes that’s 3/4 of the year and 3/8 of my JC life gone like that why am I not treasuring my youth?

Hurricane

Lying awake, thinking of ways back then
How it would be different
Story you told was never the one
I wrote for me
It isn’t the same
Without being the same

You fell from grace into my arms
Because of you I stayed around
I didn’t count on things to go my way again
But are those just games
I can’t explain
The changes in your eye
You’re just my hurricane

Promises made faded away in time
Now we’re so different
Where did you go, you vanish from here without a trace
It wasn’t in vain
Would i be the same

I had a memory of a place
It took me in a warm embrace
I never thought the sun would shine again
Now were those just games
I can’t explain
The changes in your eye
You’re just my hurricane

When you said we were through
Was it me, was it you
Now i can’t face the truth
This is me, it’s not you
There’s nothing wrong with us
It’s me you just cant trust
So why d’you want to stay
Today

Lying awake thinking of ways back then
Now it is so different

You fell from grace into my arms
Because of you I stayed around
I never count on things to go my way again
Now were those just games
I can’t explain the changes in your eyes
You’re just my hurricane

Oh, my only hurricane
My only hurricane

From Rai (Jack & Rai/EIC)

This town’s for the taking

Congrats to Singapore for winning the Silver medal at the Table Tennis Olympics! Though I’m not that big about the whole foreign talent thing, it’s a medal anyway and like what my dad says JUST GET THE DAMN THING CAN ALREADY.

Ares Night is over; D.ITN played That Was Obviously A Lie & a boyband medley consisting of I Want It That Way, The Call, Same Old Brand New You and World of Our Own, which hopefully brought back many memories and smiles to the audience faces. The sound system wasn’t the most desirable one (wtf, the keyboard got plugged into the hall speakers through a DI Box instead of through an amp like the guitars, so we couldn’t/weren’t supposed to hear Amanda at all) but it was one of our better gigs anyway. Going old-school was something novel, and it worked really well for us, our style and Claire was really happy reliving her primary school days So now we have some sort of direction to push forward in, and that’s really awesome I guess.

On a not so happy note, I lost my shoebag and I think I left my long cable there so now I’m stuck with two short cables only.

Props to Louis and Farhanah who came down to watch

Back to reality for a while, promos are coming up soon, I need to get down to studying. I’ve come up with a plan but it’s not working out that well because I cannot mug at home. Today I arrived at home with the intention of spending my afternoon clearing some Math, but my mummy threw me a fresh set of bedsheets and I changed my sheets and…promptly knocked out for two whole hours after that.

I wish I had the determination of Phelps. I need the determination of Phelps There are so many things I’ve failed to accomplish/achieve this year, and it seriously cannot go on any longer because if not I’m gonna start losing faith in what I love to do, but that’s not supposed to happen. I need to get things done. I need some sort of affirmation, confirmation, that I’m progressing in the right direction. I need to let what I love take flight, and at the same time I need to keep my head below the clouds.

I had my first violin lesson in three weeks yesterday. Amazingly enough, I improved much more than usual. It only struck me yesterday how much I love playing the instrument, and how much I’ve missed it. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, no? I’ve also gone back to playing the piano; Chopin is best expressed on the keys, not on guitar. <3

I am going to do it I need to do it just do it.

Hope may fall

It is a new month: there’s Hwach Ares Night Talentime Finals, MLB’s new album, the long National Day weekend, Singfest, Baybeats, F.I.R Concert, Sodagreen concert and many Important Birthdays.

And there was also my guitar exam but lets not go into that.

Everything is passing too fast too fast where are the rainbows at sunset…what happened to breakfast in the morning?

The past two weeks have been excruciatingly painful. You’ve been like a nagging pain that won’t go away, and you, you’ve allowed me to see the other side of you; that wasn’t a very good decision, was it? Anyhow, you tested my self-control, and I must say I think I did pretty well. Please leave my friends alone, they did you no harm and I don’t see why you shouldn’t return the favour.

Unfocused and uptight about everything, sleepless nights and restless days; distracted and distant; this isn’t the life I want to lead. I want need to be in control, not to the extent of being a control freak but I want to hold on to my own reigns, choose my own path, and not just become another face in the crowd.

Today I watched you and I felt all happy again. 很想你知道吗？

So we’re in for Hwach Ares Night; damn I need to do something about showmanship without looking too stupid.

Say we can and we will

And so I’ve been meaning for this blog to document my random outbursts/rants about life and the changes I’m going through, stuff that probably will not make sense to many but I’m gonna spill anyway.

We’ve been getting back CT results in dribs and drabs this week. I shouldn’t be complaining about mine but MY ACRONYM IS TEH BORING. BACA(B) for now, bracketed ‘B’ being an unconfirmed grade for Literature since I haven’t gotten my very possibly disastrous Owen essay back I haven’t gotten Econs back yet but it’s not like it’s gonna make a big difference to the acronym. But on the whole I am actually extremely pleased with everything, considering the time I spent mugging and comparing with my past performances in class tests This Be Extremely Good for now.

Ok well the truth is that my parents aren’t exactly very pleased with the C for GP and the unknown (possible fail) grade for Econs and…I think I am going to get stressed by it. Which is probably going to be a good thing because I am obviously getting a little complacent now so I WILL HAVE TO WORK A LOT HARDER.

It’s unusual because I never was like that before. I’ve never stressed this much over any exam, I’ve never bothered creating such a detailed study plan (damn I threw it away. Should have posted a photo. Nevermind. Promos.), never have I bothered going down to a library to get away from distractions and mug my life out. I am proud of myself. On the other hand, I realized the amount of things I’ve given up just to get these grades, the lifestyle change…damn this time it’s real I am turning into Hardcore Mugger Numero Uno. I wouldn’t say I dislike it; I finally understand YJ’s point on how mugging is actually quite brain-numbing, it takes your mind off things for a while so no random frivolous or delusional thoughts appear for some time and that in itself is quite calming. Yet the more I mug, the further I feel from my dream. It’s like, if I mug the hell out for A’s and I get good grades in the end, it raises the expectation bar, and people around, relatives, they’d expect me to enter the corporate world, do things that they can brag about to other people, and try to take some share of the glory. It might make me obliged to go with their flow. And that’s exactly what I hope NOT to do. I’m actually certain of what I want to do/become in future, but this whole grades/mugging for things that don’t necessarily apply thing is mistifying everything.

These days I’ve found comfort in being with A03A. Even though I don’t say it I think you guys are awesome people.

Amongst other things I went jamming today and I just totally got pwnzed. This makes me wonder again, why in the world am I so lousy and complacent and why do people actually think I am somewhat decent in music. =.=

Must Have Done Something Right

D.ITN played at RGGE’s annual concert yesterday night, to an audience of 400, and I think we were pretty decent. It was my last time playing at an RGGE concert and I really enjoyed it; and I hope the audience and ensemble did too.

We played a set of three songs – “Must Have Done Something Right” by Relient K, “Heels Over Head” by Boys Like Girls and our second original “That Was Obviously A Lie”. It wasn’t our best gig (nothing beats AsianBeat yet) but it was decent considering our time constraints and other commitments + fatigue we had on that day. Fuzzy ran from Hwach to RJ and back 5 times. The set we chose wasn’t awesome in itself in the first place, the two covers were pretty repetitive songs, but TWOAL is something that we’ve been working on for quite some time and we were pretty happy about the reviews we got.

The battle is over

Not much to say about CTs; not much I want to say, other than the fact that I’ve acquired a lot of battle scars so everyone can see the hard work I’ve put in and I will have a repetitive story to tell of each about how I never mugged hard enough played too much Sims2 watched too much Hannah Montana. Well on the bright side I did get everything ticked off my list of Things To Do to Ace Promos but like what Peaelle said it’s not if you’ve done them or not, it’s whether you’ve done them well.

Ahh. I need to work out a sleeping schedule with like Michy or something.

Our CT is bringing us to St. James Power Station, for Learning Journeys. O_o How cool be that!

Spent the morning making packages. Tuff work. But I haven’t sent anything out since April so I need to reply people now.

Onward to promos, yes?

Note To Self and other things

#1. CTs start TOMORROW. Sleep early, mug hard, don’t panic, Economics, Geog, Math and Lit are your friends. Pray hard too.

#2. Make a plan of what you want to do in future. Seriously. There are too many open options that go in opposite directions so you are Very Confused now.

#3. Have confidence, please.

#4. Start saving money and NO MORE IMPULSE BUYS OKAY.

#5. Concert in two weeks; get the band up and tight, and we’ll do just fine.

So wowza one month has passed just like that; the Malaysia trip seemed like a long time ago. I had my share of fun – Kungfu Panda, Prince Caspian, Malaysia, StepUpForDown, jamming, Kboxing, recording; the only thing I regret is too little guitar playing / songwriting because there were so many things going on. I wouldn’t say I did everything that I wanted to, but at least all the things I did were quite fulfilling, and the company I had was great as well. (But I still cannot believe that I haven’t seen Shii & Barbie for a month cannot be!)

Haven’t mugged enough, or at least I feel so.

Nevermind.