Break point.

A moment of peace would be something that I need for now. Just a moment.

Yesterday was hectic; stayed up to 2am doing editing work, explored more functions on Max, and tried to get my guitar hooked up but there was no sound coming out of anything. So I took a 4-hour nap before Netball Carnival. Bad decision. I woke up feeling more tired because my sleep cycle was broken so I was grumpy.

NetCarn got off to a bad start, with half the class missing at the reporting time (because everyone thought it was 7.30 instead of 7am) so we were on the verge of forfeiting, because we had a team of 7 people present – of which half was not from the original team. But the class came, apart from a few injured people resting at home, and we placed tenth! Which isn’t much to boast about but hey our aim was to uh, not finish last. Our shooting team had a final score of 7/90, all 7 points came from Shii. The highest amongst all teams was 23/90, so it really wasn’t that bad.

Anyway, one thing off my mind now. Next targets: Math (Integration, Differentiation & Trigonometry) & Theory. Oh, and Chinese Os.

I wish I was stronger. In all aspects. Mentally, to take on more work, and to actually concentrate and be more efficient, stop procrastinating and giving in to temptations of the damned computer and actually focus. Physically, to keep awake longer, and not to crash in dare I say every single lesson. Stop being so sheltered and start doing something. I want to be Super(wo)man and take care of everyone’s problems, relieve my parents of whatever financial burden they have (I cost a fortune), make people happy, do a good job about everything, have people look up to me (and think of me when they need help)…just to be the one.

But then you have to remember that everyone falls. And life will forever be like a sine graph because if it were a straight line it’d be boring and sad you’ll rather commit suicide because life is then meaningless.

Ln cannot be integrated. Remember that.

We have a problem here.

Hmm. 不知道怎么开口问. I just can’t do it. It’s just…not my style. What talk about style man. I just don’t think it’s the right thing to do, but I really want it~ It’s a dilemma between fulfilling the want and going against my principles, if you can even say that. I don’t like asking for stuff from people; there’s this slight tinge of indebtedness that comes along with the whole process of asking and getting what you want. You don’t really deserve it, and person who has fulfilled your want had no obligation to do so either. Therefore you feel indebted. Technically I can get it on my own; it’s just that bringing it back and hiding it would be a big big problem. I wonder what they’d say. You can’t hide such things yeah.

Onto other things, Sexy & I went to watch MLB’s mini performance on Sunday, at AMK Hub, and they were no disappointment! (other than the fact that I couldn’t see Sam’s face at all) Also I’ve come to a decision that I’ll settle for rocker with stellar stage presence – no less, in future.

Which also brings me to the point that – 今天我又看到他了. 他过来跟我讲话. It’s been two years. 你还好吗? There were quite a few What-Ifs popping up in my head. But I don’t want to think about them. It’s probably a waste of brainpower.

An MSN convo window just popped up. A timely reminder about the upcoming Math test, and that HEY YOUR EYAs ARE TECHNICALLY NOT OVER YET. It’s kinda sad that I’m already in a state past caring, or maybe it’s just because that I have more important things to do this week, or so I have prioritized. Thanks for the concern, but I’m sorry we might not be thinking on the same wavelength for now.

Monday’s a holiday. It’s also the start of October. Which means that the people who want to wake up when September ends have to wake up, and that there’s a long…long string of birthdays coming up. Shall list them down.

 (1st)Cheryl [cousin] (4th)Huirong (5th) Alvin (6th) Elynn + Benjamin (7th) The Godbro. (8th) I KNOW THERE IS SOMEONE HERE. (11th) Sarah I think. (15th) AHEM. (20th) Weix (22nd) Claire Chew (28th) Michy.

I should think that’s about it.

And. THEORY OMG AM SO DEAD.

Clogged

One thing that I seriously regret not doing is to take a nice decent photo of myself two years ago when my hair was spiky. Like some rebellious punk that did not dare to cross the school regulations but still wanted to act punk. I bet it runs in the family. Maybe I should try something once school closes. But uh -insert bimbo moment- I like my hair long so how no more spikes!

Am liking my Options classes. And projects. And uh, semi-new classmates. Though I don’t get to meet a lot of new people because most people in my classes overlap, like Huihui and San. But friendships are forged and bonds are made stronger; I guess I’m lucky to be with a fair amount of people I know + a fair amount of people I totally don’t know so it’s a good mix.

OMG. DADDY PLAYED LIKE. ANOTHER SONG. NO MORE HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN. DAY TO REMEMBER.

Weekend workload. 24 movements. 10 arrangements. Chinese. Math. Philosophy. Evaporate!

Future seems bleak.

About two days ago some Polytechnics came to our school to give us talks about careers in different fields. Though it seemed more like a promotion of their institutions rather than catering to our interest.

I came to a realization that if I go Poly, I’d have an easier time getting into the University that I want. Singapore Poly. You went there, so why can’t I?

I know my Daddy’s a bit disappointed about me dropping Sciences. He thinks I’m not trying hard enough. but honestly I really did try. So now that it’s confirmed that I’m going into Humantities he’s putting on more hope that I’d finally do well in something, but it’s not possible, because I’m not born like that. It’s only the next best option to Poly (if it’s even considered as an option)

There’s no excitement in moving on to RJ. I can’t think of more than 3 reasons to look forward to anything there, see.

1. There is Zhongning.
2. There is Pueh Leng
3. I get to go to school with my brother

Which are all reasons that are quite redundant and childish; and everything just seems so…planned and regulated, it’s nothing that I want to fight for, and everyone knows that I don’t work hard (or even bother to keep awake in class) for anything except things that I’m really big on.

So here’s another option – Go to RJ, flunk A levels, end up not being able to go to University, therefore must go Poly first, be a top student there, go to an overseas university, save years because of poly, then come out to work. Which then again doesn’t work because Poly has standard as well I’d probably not be able to get in if I flunk As. So. BAD IDEA DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

Honestly I have no objections about going to RJ. It’s just kind of mundane. I can still get on with life and become what I want when I grow up. I just may not be able to get the job done as well as if I’d gone on to Poly. Which really makes a whole lot of difference. But I’m past caring. I shall just keep going on with life now because life is good for now and I like it this way. Shut up Val and go do something more productive.

On other things, my brother helped me change my bedsheets. He’s trying to act all grown up but really he’s still a little kid and he still likes pillow fights and Teen Titans = he’s still very cute.

 cK’s prelims should be ending today. Win. :D

Reinvention

Like, we should totally do that to hip-hop. Be an entrepreneurial artiste. Or something along the lines of that. Finding a new sound, finding our own space…

Rehearsal yesterday. Things were better than expected. I am a very good teacher, yes. Hopefully everything will get sorted out in 2 months’ time.

Things are clogging up my mind.

a) I know you don’t really like it but I’m sorry I care more for ________ as compared to you, after all the first would always have a special place in one’s heart, no? I’m getting pretty irritated by the way you make it sound like hey you’re supposed to mean the world to me and that you’re being so loyal by keeping in touch even though you’re overseas, and how you make ________ sound like some little childish cannot-make-it flingthing and that we’d probably never have a future but it’s all wrong man. Sometimes I toy with the notion of quitting, because you’ve gotten the situation all wrong. We’re screwed up now can’t you see? And I’m afraid of you, which is why I’m not telling you anything. I want out, because I don’t think we fit anymore.

2) Rawr you’re screwing up my life as well. I don’t want to say anything about it anymore.

Moving on to happier things, I saw Joash for the first time today. He spits an awful lot and is really fidgety but he’s still cute.

 

Five hours.

It’s been a really new experience; options and all that shizz in school. The whole schedule was screwed at the start of the week, and they ended up shifting people in and out of different modules, so some got lucky and unexpectedly got into modules that were highly sought after, or maybe they got into 2 enriched courses instead of only 1. And some got unlucky and totally didn’t get anything they opted for. So that 100bucks thing was pretty much a failure. Am now in Physics of Flight instead of Electronics, and I’ve been transferred to Kellie’s American Literature class as well, so that makes up for everything. My schedule’s pretty nice; I get good breaks in betweeen classes and it’s so surprising that my timetable totally does not clash with stuff out of school…silver lining? I’ll take it as that.

In fact options have been fun, and if this was real school I’d totally ace it. I’ve come to like Physics of Flight, no matter how unwilling I was when I found out that I got transferred there. Though I’d still prefer Electronics to any other Science options. For selfish reasons, I know. Entrepreneurship has been wonderful, and I have great classmates like HY and Sandra so double yay. Mr. J’s really awesome; he knows his stuff and he’s really open to discussion and there’s this…force that induces me to participate more that I usually do in any class. So uh, that’s good too.

Though amidst all this excitement about the new change in curriculum structure there are still exams. And  one which I just flunked. I’m not going all whiny about the test because I did study for it – just not as hard as I did during the EYAs period, and it was hard, yes. It just turned into something bugging me at the back of my mind, which I don’t really care about, but it’s just there. Rawr.

I spent a lot today. Relatively. Bought a new microphone ($29), birthday presents for the September babies ($30) and 881 soundtrack for Mummy ($20). Feels nice to spend money once in a while. Then again they criticized the 881 soundtrack. Lousy production, or so they say. You don’t know how much effort it takes to write, record, and edit a song. You don’t know how much pressure they have on to do all that on a tight budget & deadline. You don’t know the hard work put in, and it’s really not as easy as it seems to be. Respect them, please. (but then again I give up arguing with you because no matter what you refuse to admit that you’re wrong and I’m write. It’s the paternalistic streak and I’m not blaming you. I’ll just shut up.)

Guitar tomorrow and I haven’t exactly practiced in a week.

 Philosophy test tomorrow wish me good luck.

6 more weeks…

It feels great to be back. It doesn’t feel great to get caught falling asleep in the first block of Math.

First Days are terrible. There’s hardly any sense of order around and you have this burning anticipation in you, that makes you unable to get a good rest before the day starts i.e. deciding to wake up and shower at 4am because your brain refuses to go into a semi-conscious state. But First Days = Fresh Beginnings! I kinda like this new uh, would you call it structure? (what an irony) My options are pretty fun so far – Mr. J and an external mentor came in today and Mr. J’s pretty cool! “I have the skin of an elephant.”

I seem to have lost a sense of direction. Work calls.

Options

Options results are out! I got thrown into Shining Upon A City Hill for Language Arts but other than that I got my other choices so that’s uh, pretty okay. Am a bit apprehensive about my classmates though as I looked down the namelist. I am so going to transfer to Kellie’s Shining Upon a City Hill class, because they just have no choice but to do so because it clashes with Entrepreneurship, which has only one class. So there I have a friend in my LA option now. The only other downside is that my options timetable is pretty screwed. I don’t have a free day and I end at earliest 4pm, that is, not factoring guitar (which may or may not be) after school. Well uh, look on the brightside having many many hours of break between recess and my 4pm options – I will be disciplined and do math/go for 4fang meetings/give guitar & drum lessons! Not forgetting that my classes start late almost every morning, so it’s actually just a lot of breaks with my classes really spread out.

Also!

  

or

 

I personally think the DS Lite is more compact + there’s that cute pen thing that acts as a cursor! But I have no idea how much it costs…the PSP was $278 the last time I checked. Someone get me both! XD

881, amongst 3284328 other things.

881 was okay. I can see Royston Tan’s style oozing out at every corner. Was pretty touching but I couldn’t immerse myself into the movie. It’s been a long time since I watched a movie. Rush Hour 3 does not count because it was trashy trashy trash. But the trailers that played before 881 today all looked so appetizing…So!

List of movies that I want to watch!

1. Hairspray!
2. The Invasion
3. Seek the Signs
4. I Am Legend
5. Ra-ta-too-ee
6. 真相

Made plans with the band today; Elisha is totally MIA or something so there goes another gig. But oh well, big plans baby big plans! I can’t wait for 9th October, when another 3 of them are done with exams, then Amanda & I can work on stuff before we all get over and done with the Chinese Os and then we’re breaking free! XD

Didn’t get my mic as planned today, so I’m going to get it after dental tomorrow. There’s no guitar tomorrow because it’s a holiday (and to think I practiced so much this week) but oh well next week I’m gonna show like muchos improvement. Prelaudium is coming on okay, so is Giuliani’s Sonata, just hope I don’t get sick of playing them.

Other than guitar there’s my battle with Math everyday, trying to differentiate stuff which all look the same to me. Gah. I need to get a grip on my life before this whole post-exam euphoria state of mind completely takes over. I’ve been sleeping late and waking up even later and not doing many productive things, hell I cannot even recall what I’ve been doing. Then again I shall look on the bright side – managed to catch up with the Best Buddy even though he’s buried under his prelim preparations. It’s been such a long time since we’ve had such a nice (albeit short) talk…and even though you’ve grown out of teddy bears and arrows, I haven’t!!! Remember that. It’s these little things that can keep me smiling the whole day.

Took a jog to Xinty’s house after 881. I never knew that we both lived along the Linear Park (or what she affectionately calls the ends of the longkang) and it’s pretty cool, no? Other than the fact that jogging there may bring about unexpected meetings with Mr T. and Mr J. as well… But I shall not care so much, because it was fun anyway. Detoured to Siglap Centre to pick up a new bottle + Korean ramyuen! It’s like my favourite food now though I’ve only been eating it outside, so tomorrow I shall try a feeble attempt at cooking it myself. How hard can it be? It’s instant. ;) Living in the East is the best, because there’s really a whole lot of things you can do around your area; there are rows of restaurants along the main road outside my place that I haven’t tried even though I’ve been here for near a decade, not to mention that it’s not that far a walk to Parkway Parade, or the Bedok new town or East Coast Park, and you can’t ask for more than that  So during the December holidays I shall try as much to go around the neighbourhood and explore, get to know the people around and enjoy being an Eastie.  

It’s thanks to you.

Best friend just made my day today.  You’re is the only reason why I am not looking forward to December.

Brother was being such a smartass today at the Improve Your Memory talk we went to. But yet he was being a gentleman by volunteering to peel crabs for me. This is probably gonna be my No.1 Criteria in a boyfriend, or so Mummy says. :D

 Oh right I think I just offended Best Friend I need to apologize.