And so I’ve been meaning for this blog to document my random outbursts/rants about life and the changes I’m going through, stuff that probably will not make sense to many but I’m gonna spill anyway.
We’ve been getting back CT results in dribs and drabs this week. I shouldn’t be complaining about mine but MY ACRONYM IS TEH BORING. BACA(B) for now, bracketed ‘B’ being an unconfirmed grade for Literature since I haven’t gotten my very possibly disastrous Owen essay back I haven’t gotten Econs back yet but it’s not like it’s gonna make a big difference to the acronym. But on the whole I am actually extremely pleased with everything, considering the time I spent mugging and comparing with my past performances in class tests This Be Extremely Good for now.
Ok well the truth is that my parents aren’t exactly very pleased with the C for GP and the unknown (possible fail) grade for Econs and…I think I am going to get stressed by it. Which is probably going to be a good thing because I am obviously getting a little complacent now so I WILL HAVE TO WORK A LOT HARDER.
It’s unusual because I never was like that before. I’ve never stressed this much over any exam, I’ve never bothered creating such a detailed study plan (damn I threw it away. Should have posted a photo. Nevermind. Promos.), never have I bothered going down to a library to get away from distractions and mug my life out. I am proud of myself. 
On the other hand, I realized the amount of things I’ve given up just to get these grades, the lifestyle change…damn this time it’s real I am turning into Hardcore Mugger Numero Uno. I wouldn’t say I dislike it; I finally understand YJ’s point on how mugging is actually quite brain-numbing, it takes your mind off things for a while so no random frivolous or delusional thoughts appear for some time and that in itself is quite calming. Yet the more I mug, the further I feel from my dream. It’s like, if I mug the hell out for A’s and I get good grades in the end, it raises the expectation bar, and people around, relatives, they’d expect me to enter the corporate world, do things that they can brag about to other people, and try to take some share of the glory. It might make me obliged to go with their flow. And that’s exactly what I hope NOT to do. I’m actually certain of what I want to do/become in future, but this whole grades/mugging for things that don’t necessarily apply thing is mistifying everything.
These days I’ve found comfort in being with A03A. Even though I don’t say it I think you guys are awesome people.
Amongst other things I went jamming today and I just totally got pwnzed. This makes me wonder again, why in the world am I so lousy and complacent and why do people actually think I am somewhat decent in music. =.=
