One heck of a train ride

At this time last week, I was tearing my hair out over Bane-of-My-Life (which is kind of like how Lord Voldemort is known as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named XD)

Now I seem to have given up on studying for Promos by sitting here and blogging instead of chionging essay outlines and essay outlines, and more essay outlines…

I’m gonna spend this week doing this – Reading up a little for GP, Econs Essay Outlines, Geog Essay Outlines, Underline quotes in my new copy of Othello, Read up for GSC, Mug a little Chinese, PIck out stuff for Modernism…and my ultimate math plan – Do one question from each chapter of Math; if I can do it I will skip mugging that chapter. If I can’t then I’ll do another question and see how things go from there because…

OUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT

So unprepared for promos;

Haven’t done anything for GP. or Lit (which I plan to study on car-rides d’you think that’ll be enough?), still pretty clueless about Economics and Geog is just OVERLOAD OF INFORMATION now. Then there’s Math.

What Math?

Now if we look at the situation this way, my only goal now is to get promoted.

If I had spent the hours I put in for Bane-Of-My-Life (2 days- 5 hours of sleep) into mugging, the magnitude of my worry wouldn’t be so large now would it?

Then again if I didn’t put in those hours for Bane-Of-My-Life, my group’s WR wouldn’t materialize. Then Bane-of-My-Life would be screwed forever.

And considering the fact that I only managed to get WR off my hands on Wednesday, I have a perfectly logical reason to be just meeting the requirements to promote rather than getting some nice acronym like I did for CTs.

There.

I will work hard after Promos, I swear. Am not gonna jeopardize Chinese A’s because of Bane-Of-My-Life.

I’ll also never forget how some people can be such ____________________s, and that I shouldn’t be so nice to some people anymore.

Moving…a little too fast

For my liking, that is.

First (official) day back in school. Whoa, never realized the workload that has subconsciously piled up (okay actually I just created more workload for myself today). The submission date for Bane-Of-My-Life Written Report looms, and promos are in two weeks :O

Funny how I’m not exactly looking forward to post-promos; everyone else have started making post-promos lists, most of them are just made up of shopping lists, but at least they have their motivation. There were so many things I wanted to do…which are kind of impossible looking at the situation now. Never mind, we’ll hold our heads high and get through the next three weeks.

After what happened last week I’ve subconsciously become so much more conscious of my words, my actions…is there no space for truth and objectivity to surface in this reality?

I’m actively trying not to be judgemental, but people’s comments do impact, to a certain extent, my views on certain people.

And now that Shii mentions it, I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT GIRL IN A WEEK dude that is not acceptable.

Learning

Three times this week, I’ve said things that possibly affected friendships. It’s really not a coincidence, it’s an inherent personality problem that I need to fix.

I don’t talk very much, but when I do, I say all the wrong things. It all comes out too fast. It seems like I don’t consider others’ feelings first; I actually do try to guess what their reactions may be…but I guess wrongly all the time. Maybe that’s why I’m not doing so well in Lit, maybe that’s why I’m taking it, to try to understand people better. (or really maybe I’m just saying this because I probably have no reason to why I chose Lit)

I’m really sorry for whatever I said, and the decisions I made without asking you first, and that I found out stuff you didn’t want me to know. I hope it clears up well and we can go back to the way we were before, because I realized how important you guys are to me and I really don’t want to lose you guys.

Maybe I shouldn’t have told you anything; I knew it would hurt but I didn’t know it would hurt that much. I’m sorry for making you sad, I’m sorry for assuming so much.

I’m sorry I don’t like strangers. You could have told me earlier, then I would have the choice. But thanks again because you understood.

Assumptions, assumptions, assumptions. That’s all I ever make, eh? Sometimes I believe that I live in some alternate universe that just happens to intersect with this one, and therefore whatever I say that should be right turns out all wrong.

Spending time alone isn’t gonna help, because I do that too often; even around people, I drift off into my own little world. Perhaps I’ve distanced myself so far away from the real world, I can’t talk to people anymore.

I need to learn to let go of things more easily. I worry over the smallest issues and ignore the important ones. I harp over people’s comments for days, months, years… People move on, and I should too. I’m reluctant to let go, because I still bear a spark of hope for everyone, every relationship. Will we ever be what we used to be?

Your life is perfect, why can’t I have it?

Ok enough emo-ing. Look on the brightside now, Val.

You have awesome friends. The awesomest in the world – Shii, cK, Amanda, Claire, Louise, Barbie, YJ, PL, list would go on, but these are those that come off the top of my head, and I <3 every single one of them so much because they are so awesome. There are also the group of friends whom I don’t have the luxury to talk to or meet every day, but we’re still on pretty good terms. I guess those are the wonders of friendships; how many of these people will I meet in my life?

You have an even awesome-r family.

What more can you ask for?

Sidenote, wtfreakazoid term FOUR starts in 13 minutes that’s 3/4 of the year and 3/8 of my JC life gone like that why am I not treasuring my youth?

Hurricane

Lying awake, thinking of ways back then
How it would be different
Story you told was never the one
I wrote for me
It isn’t the same
Without being the same

You fell from grace into my arms
Because of you I stayed around
I didn’t count on things to go my way again
But are those just games
I can’t explain
The changes in your eye
You’re just my hurricane

Promises made faded away in time
Now we’re so different
Where did you go, you vanish from here without a trace
It wasn’t in vain
Would i be the same

I had a memory of a place
It took me in a warm embrace
I never thought the sun would shine again
Now were those just games
I can’t explain
The changes in your eye
You’re just my hurricane

When you said we were through
Was it me, was it you
Now i can’t face the truth
This is me, it’s not you
There’s nothing wrong with us
It’s me you just cant trust
So why d’you want to stay
Today

Lying awake thinking of ways back then
Now it is so different

You fell from grace into my arms
Because of you I stayed around
I never count on things to go my way again
Now were those just games
I can’t explain the changes in your eyes
You’re just my hurricane

Oh, my only hurricane
My only hurricane

From Rai (Jack & Rai/EIC)